I came to New York city from Togo when I was about 3 years old. My dad had already been here for about a year before me and my mom came and joined him. In that sense we were both new here so we experienced everything together. When we first came everything was just so out of my way, different from what I was originally used to. Even from a young age I could tell. When we first came we lived in an apartment that had many floors, too many to even count. However it wasn’t just me, my mom and dad that lived there. My uncle had been living there with my dad too and soon his family were going to come from Togo as well. So that meant that 2 families would be living in a small cramped apartment with one bathroom, and 1 bedroom. I didn’t really think about the situation at hand at first because I was only 3. What more would I have to say about that? As time went on I realized that there was a pattern. When my uncle moved out the same year with his family a new family that we knew would come and live with us too. That stopped until I was 5 and we moved to the apartment that we live in currently. From time to time some distant relatives would come to New York and stay with us for months maybe even a year if needed to find their way around New York. They all ended up eventually leaving of course. Now that I am older I understand what New York really meant to them. It meant a new life for them and more opportunities and my family you could say was almost like a beacon to that.They dreamed about coming here as if nothing else could satisfy their needs if they didn’t come here. It had to be New York. Just like how Joan Didion said, “New York was no mere city, It was instead an infinitely romantic notation, the mysterious nexus of all love and money and power….”(231). It always felt like they romanticized New York and the idea of what it meant to actually live here. They would soon learn that it’s not what it seems. One of my uncles that came to stay here before came for about 6 months before he started getting money and moved out. Everytime he came to visit he would often complain about how expensive everything was and how he wanted to move to a different state which he did. Same thing for my cousin when he came here. New York became too much for him and he ended up moving to Colorado where things were more calm for him. It almost felt like it was broken promises and broken expectations back to back.
For all my life I’ve basically lived in the bronx. I went to middle school in the Bronx as well. The only time I didn’t was when I started highschool. Everything felt different to me. Yes, it was in New York but it still felt like it was somewhat divided because there were some people that lived in Manhattan or maybe even Brooklyn and Queens have different negative preconceptions about the Bronx and how it is to live here. So when I went to a school that wasn’t located in the Bronx I felt like everything was about to change, and I was right. When I Was middle school I had classes with people that lived in my building, across the street from the building or just in the same neighborhood. Everyone knew everyone. The kids that lived in the same building with me I ended up calling my “cousins” because of how close we were. We were not related in any single way but the bond was stronger than that. They felt more like a family than classmates and almost everyone felt the same way. There was a clear difference between the 2 different environments. For example, the people here knew how to pronounce my name without any trouble. Granted it was because they also had ethnic names as well. However over there it took a bit more time for them to get it. It’s no problem cause I realize that not everyone comes across names like mine so it was understandable. Going to the two different schools also gave me a new perspective on what I wanted to do with my life. When I Was in middle school I had this idea in my head that my life would always be here in New York and there was no other place for me that I would want to live in. I never really thought about college either. I knew I would go one day but I never gave too much thought into it. Once I became a freshman in Highschool they would introduce us to college panels, I would just sit there and hear people that were already in their junior or senior year of college and how they’ve traveled doing study abroad in different countries or even visited different states, overall just talked about the freedom they had even if they didn’t leave New York entirely and my mind started to wander. Senior came up and I brought up the idea of going somewhere else to study for college to my parents. Originally I had my mind set on the fact that I would go to a school upstate or just somewhere away from here, I even applied to a school that was located in Kansas just for the fun of it. New York just was not doing it for me any more. I wanted to be my own person and do my own thing on my own time without being here. I wanted to have some time away from New York because it felt like every place I was at was just stuffed and cramped with so many people, so many of the same people just like the first apartment I lived in. Obviously the plan did not work as I am still here because sometimes plans just don’t. I feel like one of the reasons it didn’t workout the way I wanted it to was because I came from an African family and like any other foreign parents, mine always expect the best from their children so they would want me to stay here and let that happen while they were all here as well ; however I feel that they’ve always pushed that mentality towards me and only me, perhaps because I am the oldest and the first one to go to college. I never really asked for more after coming to that realization. Some things are just left better unsaid.Sometimes our starting intentions can fall through and you have to rework the plan you had already originally thought of. Just like how Meghan Daum’s ideas/plans fell through mine did too. In her essay she told her audience, “ Had I known that before. I might have skipped out on this New York Thing altogether and spared myself the financial and Psychological ordeal”. Her intentions were to have her dream life in New York but instead she just ended up in a world filled with debt. Unlike her and Didion I do not think I ever fantasized about New York like they did. This might have been because I already live here and I didnt have a choice but to come here. However now that I’ve lived here for a while just don’t get why everyone else wants to either. When you go on Youtube or maybe even Tik Tok you’ll see new videos with people packing up their bags and just going to New York. When they explain why they say it’s because “I’ve always wanted to live here and I love everything about the big city” Most of the time it’s the aesthetic they like.Like what the Show Gossip girl makes New York out to be. They show a character that lives in Brooklyn in a loft with about 3 bedrooms and can afford to go to public school and call him “poor”, in contrast to a student who lives on the upper east side in a huge penthouse with built in elevators, waiters, chefs, butlers, and personal drivers. They make so many unrealistic expectations of what life is like in New York that they forget to show the rest of it too sometimes. If anything, I would not say that I regret living here for any reason. There are obviously times where I’ve wanted to move badly but there are many people who feel that way too and it’s okay. I believe that New York has changed me for the better though. I don’t think I would be the same person I am today if I didn’t live here. The fact that New York is such a diverse place has a great effect on people and the way that they are with other people. There are so many different types of people here that you wouldn’t really see in too many places. No matter the race, sexual orientation, sex there is one of everything. It’s almost similar to what Zadie smith said in her essay. She mentioned how every human is different here which makes New York the place it is really. There are things that just New Yorkers would understand that some one from probably Wisconsin would have trouble comprehending. For example going to the deli across the street to get yourself a quick snack at like 10 or 11pm. Or even ordering yourself a baconeggandcheese and saying it just like that no breaks in between, train delays when you’re trying to get to school or work, crack heads surrounding buildings and inside the train stations. These are things that only New Yorkers would understand. I don’t think any other place is the same as ours which makes it so different. Of course there are times which I have experienced that made me want to leave immediately, like the time I was on the 4 train with my friend on our way back from school, there was a lady arguing with another lady but it felt like the argument was one sided. I could distinctly remember telling her that “ You should go back to your country” because she was speaking her language and the one receiving the backlash stayed quiet. I remember she was speaking twi so I knew she was Ghanian. As soon as she said that she turned around looked at me and told me “ The same goes for you”. I didn’t think too much of it because I know that the woman was probably not in her right state of mind. I didnt let it affect me too much because it’s normal and there’s hatred everywhere so there was no reason why this experience should be any different. Overall I feel as though I’ve grown as a person. I’ve become more open minded towards certain things and New York was the one that opened my eyes to this. I’ve learned to become less naive than I was when I was younger and learned to become more thoughtful when it came to certain things and not just rush to a conclusion about anything or any one when there is clearly more to any story really. I want to be able to emphasize the fact that although I had a different experience in New York this is not the same for everybody. Everyone has their own lives here and clearly not everyone would go through the same things that I went through. New York could be the best places you go to or it could be the worst. If you’re lucky it might be in between just like it was for me.
Life got better for me when I LEFT NY. The highlight there was meeting up with my best friend at the time to workout at the playground, because the gym was either always crowded and overpriced anyways. You do have a good point about the diversity thing. You get to experience how to deal with people who look, act and have think differently than you do.